the decision to go back...
before i left australia, God told me that i was going to be coming back. i get home to alaska and everything is great. i get to wear layers, i have the beautiful mountains, i have my beautiful family, i don't sweat every second of the day, and the best part...i have a job that actually pays me money.
i kind of liked the idea of not having to trust God for my finances and some how began to tell myself that when God told me to go back to australia he didn't really mean it. after about 2 months of being home i began to feel spiritually dry, giving into sin easily, becoming somewhat materialistic, and feeling a bit complacent with my walk with Christ.
after being home for a little while, i got a job offer i couldn't pass up. it involved everything i love, outdoors, working at a beautiful lodge, good friends, alaska, and even overseas traveling!....and i would get paid for it!!! my friend ellie told me about the job, she basically knew what kind of job i would like, made it, asked her parents about hiring me, and i accepted that day. without any prayer, without much thought, i impulsively took the job, forgetting what God had told me to do, not really forgetting but not really caring. this is what i love, of course God would want me to take it.
so as far as becoming more materialistic...i figured since i am going to be working at the lodge i should get more outdoors stuff. so instead of trying to pay off my credit card that i so foolishly piled up while i was in australia, i bought stuff that i wanted making myself even more in debt. aaaggg!!! i don't understand why i do what i do!!!!
anyways....
so it all started after i talked to my friend malea the other day. i remember her saying how someone asked her how she decided to become a full time missionary and she said something about how in past decisions she would make them impulsively but this decision came with much prayer and being in the word. i realized after that talk with malea that i didn't pray or ask God about the decisions i had been making and i wanted so badly wanted for him to be apart of my every decision even if he took those plans away.
i started to pray about it....
next day....
it was about 11pm and i had to work at 5 am the next day. something told me to check and see if my friend bj was online to talk to and he was and i said hi and he asked me what i was doing with my life. i said that deserves a phone call and he said go ahead and call...i didn't want to because i was tired but i knew i should. i called him and we talked for an hour in a half. it started off just joking around and then out of no where he asked me what God had told me to do before i left australia....i was lost for words because i realized at that moment that i was doing the exact opposite of what God was telling me to do. he started to talk about how all he really wanted to do was to be in a band and travel the united states but God had told him to do and dts and then told him to come back as full time staff. he did and as he trusted God, God was faithful to provide for him. he didn't know this, but i began to cry as he was talking about how God was faithful to provide. THAT WAS IT. that is why i didn't want to go back to australia, that is why i was staying in alaska...i didn't think God would want to provide for me or even that he could. i didn't trust him.
(by the way....he is now getting to travel the united states with a band from reef to outback...how cool is God)
that night i remembered what God had called me to do and i knew that i needed to make a decision....
next day.... 5 am
i was sitting at the front desk at work and i said to God, "God i know that you spoke to me through malea and bj would you want to speak to me this morning as well" he said YES. something told me to check
bible.com for the verse of the day. i use to check
bible.com every day but i hadn't since i have back from australia. i checked it and it was eph 2 something talking about being a co worker with christ which was great but something told me to pick up the whole chapter and put it in the message version....crazy stuff.
this is what it said....
"
it wasn't too long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. you let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. you filled your lungs with polluted UNBELIEF, and then exhaled DISOBEDIENCE." eph 2:1-3
that was the two things i got from the night before...
i walk in a lot of unbelief and i have been disobedient.
i gave in.
i told God okay i will go back to australia. i prayed about it and God has given me COMPLETE UNreal peace about going back to australia. everything seems more beautiful, more pleasant, my walk with Christ seems sweeter now that I am giving into HIS plans and not my own.
yeah.
that is it for now. so so much more to be told.
God is calling a girl, who is in debt, isn't good with finances, isn't always obedient, struggles with trusting ...to become a full time missionary!
okay! i'm in!
