coffee and other spiritual things...

warning: this one is long!

so i am beginning to realize more and more my need for other people which i thought was going to be a miserable realization but i have begun to realize the beauty of it.
i recently decided to not spend money at all for a week and rely on God for my needs instead of taking matters into my own hands, what a great week so far. i have begun not only to trust God with my needs but also give away of my stuff as well, what a refining process. the moment i think i don't want to give "my" stuff away i realize that i need to give it away. i was reading a thomas merton quote that i had written down and boy does it some up our material things..."the more you squeeze the less you have." how true the more i hold on to my stuff the less it seems i have.
i was in Australia not to long ago as most of you know and while i was there i fell into a materialistic manner in which i looked to "things" to make me happy. i started to buy stuff that i didn't need and gently God would tell me no renee i don't want you to buy that, no renee you don't need that, renee why are you buying that don't you believe I can satisfy your every need!! i ignored that voice and bought what i wanted to make me feel better. thomas merton explains it better... "And I wind experiences around myself and cover myself with pleasures and glory like bandages in order to make myself perceptible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface. But there is no substance under the things with which I am clothed. I am hollow, and my structure of pleasures and ambitions has no foundation. I am objectified in them. But they are all destined by their very contingency to be destroyed. And when they are gone there will be nothing left of me but my own nakedness and emptiness and hollowness, to tell me that I am my own mistake"

the funny thing is, all my clothes that i had boughten to make me feel better were all stolen in the last couple of days while in Australia. my sister and i were on the beach and i just happen to put all of my new clothes from Australia into one bag and left it in our camper van. my sister (not blaming anyone) left the van unlocked and guess which bag got stolen out of all the 6 bags that were in there (my friend had me drive her 2 bags down to Australia-to explain the excess) my bag of new clothes was stolen. i knew it was God...not in a mean way but i loving way and i look back and remember how i should have listened to God in the first place. HE wanted to be my provider, HE was the one who wanted to make me happy, and HE wanted me to reap the joy of obedience.

okay...

all that to say i am not buying anything lately and getting rid of my "excess" stuff because i want God to show me how he provides and how little i really need.

an actual need...

i recently did calculations on how much money i would need for a year in Australia and how much money i will have if i work almost every day and the two don't add up. God is breaking me of my pride thinking that i can do this alone. the thing is I really can't. i need others.

i need you. (whoever is reading this)

i need people not to be a leaf on my tree but a strong root to go along in my trials with me.


if any of you want to help out at all send me an email and i will tell you how you can help. reneegaylard@gmail.com also, i don't want this to be a one sided relationship i want to know how i can help you out to. let me know how i can be a root in your life as well.


the reason i titled this coffee and other spiritual things....
i almost forgot!!!!
i was praying last night about something silly but i know my God cares about the little things so i prayed and asked God for this silly thing. i really wanted a travel coffee mug but knowing that i am not spending money this week, i asked God about it. i asked God for a coffee mug but not just any coffee mug, one without a handle on it. i hate the handle ones.
so i was at work today and i was a little frustrated because my dad wouldn't let me use his mug this morning which eventually i got over but still little upset that i didn't have one until.... my sister comes by and brings me coffee, some lunch, and a present. my sisters are great but it is definitely not every day that they bring me gifts to work!!!! i open the gift and what was it???? a travel coffee mug WITH NO HANDLE!!!!

God does want to provide for me!!! even the little things!!!!